Of course, we all know that beyond scary teachers, challenging tests and suspicious cafeteria food, it's the Big Bad School Bully that many kids are truly afraid of.
- Why is this bullying issue such a big deal these days?
- What can be done about it?
- Who needs the most help? The Bully or the Target?
- And who is helping to remedy this Bullying epidemic?
Why is this bullying issue such a big deal these days?
Bullying is a huge deal today because there are no breaks. It doesn't stop. With social media and cell phones, the opportunity to be the target of mean spirited bullying behavior seems to go on and on. Even during extracurricular activities, like clubs and sports teams - the opportunities for unchecked bullying to get way out of control is definitely overwhelming for some kids. At least the distance of summer may offer a bit of relief simply because "out of sight out of mind," but the time to head back to school is near and some kids fear the bully is waiting!What about the other factor, the ones no one ever seems to pay attention to! Like, the power of the
mind, self talk and self esteem? What role to these things have in determine how big a deal bullying is these days?
Today, there are so many media influences and negative mental conditioning because of fear and other factors which can actually destroy the self esteem of many children and teens. "So what?" You ask. Soooo, self esteem (the way you think and feel about yourself, your life and your abilities) steer your thoughts and your beliefs.
Here's where I am going. Besides, ALWAYS being around bullying, today's teens have also started to bully themselves with negative self talk, poor body image perceptions, feelings of hopelessness and an overall a sense of low or no self worth (or self esteem). This added element of bullying oneself has truly taken bullying to another level where it quite literally....NEVER STOPS!
That type of pressure can create a sense of hopelessness and that sense of hopelessness and sadness become what we call depression and things often spiral down from there.
What can be done about it?
Stop trying to put a Bandaid on bullying. The "be nice" approach just isn't enough! WHY should kids be nice, what does that mean for them? The key is to teach the power of positive thinking, positive self talk and self esteem.... I know how to value myself and so I value you too!
Teach children and teens...AND parents...AND teachers... what self esteem is and how to raise it, how to nurture it and why it is beneficial to do so!
This is not a generation of excessively fear-based kids, so the "because I said so, fear me" approach doesn't often work. Speak with them....TEACH them!
Who needs the most help, the bully or the target?
Please notice I do not regard anyone as victims because being a victim is a state of mind which often has negative long term mental affects. Being a target means that it happened, but you can move on. Let's get our kids in the mindset of moving on. On that note, I realize that I have used the word bully quite often for convenience, but in fact, I prefer to refer to to the child or person who has chosen bullying behavior. I am not entirely comfortable with definitively labeling someone a "bully" because labels become easy to own and difficult to grow away from. As for who needs the most help. The answer is BOTH! The child who chooses the bullying behavio
r does so because he or she is often struggling with a heavy weight of negativity, sadness and even rejection and hopelessness in their own lives....and since anger is the empowered version of sadness, they power up with anger and spread it, hoping to reduce the pressure from their own shoulders.
Self esteem would certainly assist the bullying child to shift their own perspective about what stresses them, what they can handle and also instill a sense of hope and happiness that they can use to manage their troubles rather than passing it on and poisoning others.
Of course, the target of bullying can certainly use some self esteem and confidence as well. It is the lack of self esteem (and willingness to accept and embrace the negativity) that draws the bully near.... It's as if the bullying child says, "I have negativity that I don't want and when I throw it at you, you'll actually catch it...you won't even fight back...good. You can keep it, I feel better!"
So when the negativity is "thrown" from the bullying child, it will be aimed at those most willing to take it on and become saddened (therefore taking it from the bully) make sense!?
Both the bullying child and the child being bullied need a large and healthy dose of self esteem!
Who is helping to remedy this Bullying epidemic?
The schools are certainly trying, but I keep hearing more and more about "anti-bullying" and not much about self esteem.
We will continue to have this bullying epidemic so long as we treat the symptom (bullying) and not the source (self-esteem).
Pay attention to your child's behaviors and needs, get them a coach or mentor as needed!Get professional speakers and coaches like myself to visit your schools - to train the teachers, the administration and the students on the power of self esteem and how to cultivate it as a school!
Treat this bullying issue from the source (self esteem) and we will watch this bullying tradition die out in our schools while all of our children and teens thrive in their academic years and beyond!
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"Thanks for letting me coach you through the hard times"
Dr. Simone Alicia
The Self Esteem Doctor
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