"Never underestimate the power a mom does have to influence the way her daughter thinks and feels about herself!"
You see language is contagious from parent to child. If a child has been either consciously or subconsciously hearing mom criticize her body, she will grow to do the same in most cases.
Luckily the opposite is true too, so if mom has formed the habit of celebrating her body, through Yoga or other means, then that sense of self appreciation and value is very likely to pass on to a young girl - who may find herself more willing to "find the good parts" of her body, rather than analyze and criticize perceived flaws.
So you see, yoga moms and other moms who describe themselves using positive language in front of their children, may in fact raise children and teens who really have what it takes to be more confident...BUT!
Is it enough to show your daughter confidence or does it actually have to be taught?
This is the trap that most parents fall into and believe me when I tell you that it often brings about pangs of frustration and disappointment that are hard to fathom at times. Here's what I mean:
Imagine a mom who has tapped into her confidence (sure she struggles with certain specific types of stress, but for the most part her self esteem is high and very healthy!) Now imagine that same mom who may have naturally had self esteem ORRRRRR the mom who overcame hardships and cultivated her own self esteem - imagine her raising a daughter and trying to share everything she knows with her. She gives her tips. She gives her advice. She tells stories and offers examples and endless demonstrations, but nothing seems to work! Her daughter is not receptive and there seems to be a gap a million miles long between moms confidence and her ability to teach it to her daughter. What happened? Am I failing at this? Maybe I am not as confident as I thought? Maybe something is wrong with my child? The pangs of doubt begin creeping in and for the first time in years mom is questioning her own self esteem. STOP! There can often be a gap between a mom's self esteem and her ability to effectively teach it to her daughter. Here's why: there are oh so many factors at play here including language, tonality, rapport, history, trust, generational gap and not to mention the pressures, friends, media, social expectations and more that your daughter is facing. There are many obstacles and so sometimes formal help is needed, like reading an self help book or some expert articles, getting support from other moms and even trying some holistic approaches. Personally, I do them all! Literally!
I use my Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) Coaching, plus other proven resources like inner child work and positive psychology and holistic approaches like emotional freedom tapping, deep breathing, mediation and more. As for getting support, I bring moms and teens together to share their stories and find unbelievable support in other like minders. So, I know it works.
Here are a few things you can do RIGHT NOW!
- Learn her language (is she "toward" motivated or "away from" motivated)
- What does she respond to the most (reinforcement or punishment and which kind of each-positive or negative?)
- Give her a voice - let her opinion matter as much as possible
- Compliment her ABILITY to make decisions and not just the good outcomes ..or her physical attributes like her beauty
- Be consistent, if you ask her to open up, don't shut the door if she says something you don't like. Plan your strategy for accepting her "as is" and coaching her through life instead of forcing her through life
This list goes on and on and sometimes seem impossible in a mom's endlessly busy schedule!! So do your best, and once you've done that, give a little more... What greater joy is there than being a mom?
Dream of the future you desire, see that confident smile on your daughter's face as each day she knows that she made it through the hard times with you as an ally and not an enemy! ...And she is armed with tools that she still uses as an adult woman - possibly with children of her own one day -
What a legacy you leave behind when you do something different to arm the successors of your bloodline with unstoppable self esteem, respect for others and self confidence!
So the answer is yes!
Yoga moms....and.....
Meditating moms,
Praying moms,
Passionate moms,
Gym moms,
Loving moms
Shy moms and
Confident moms.
You can raise confident daughters by being an example AND by giving them the tools!
The only things that you can truly do wrong for your daughter are to stop celebrating the best in yourself and stop trying to get her to see the best in herself too! Never give up. Do what it takes, go the extra mile! You can do it! Trust me, if you've read this far you're already part way there!
If you need more support...
if you want that team of like minded moms, who don't judge....
If you want your teens to make friends with girls who know what the value self esteem really is...
If you want ideas, activities, connection and understanding...
Then you should definitely check out this retreat ...
**********About Dr. Simone**********
I am Simone Alicia, The Self Esteem Doctor. Parents, schools, children and teens truly love and enjoy what I do because they get a huge dose of self awareness, self acceptance and self-love from my coaching, speaking, consulting and epic self esteem building retreats! Along with raising my own 2 amazing children and loving my extraordinary hubby (who everyone says looks like Miami Heat Player Dwayne Wade) -LOL -being The Self Esteem Doctor is my Divine Purpose on Earth!
I am an Honorary Doctor of Divinity with a special interest in Spirituality and Metaphysics (the power of Divine thought energy) as it relates to self esteem.
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